SuperMansion: War on Christmas
Thursday, Dec. 8 (Crackle)
Holiday Special: Oldster superhero Titanium Rex (voiced by Bryan Cranston) and his geezeriffic League of Freedom are forced to stop arguing for a hot minute to save Christmas from a new supervillain, Mr. Skibumpers (Jim Parsons), a malevolent alien who's turned Santa Claus (Gary Anthony Williams) into a bloodthirsty murder machine wreaking havoc upon Storm City. War on Christmas is SuperMansion's unofficial kickoff of a second season arriving in 2017 on Crackle, that little orange-button app you should get around to trying sometime. The Robot Chicken team didn't quite nail its debut season about a senior-citizen stopmotion sub-Avengers, but War on Christmas is a step in the right direction, amping-up the crazy and the cohesiveness for a solid holiday entry. As psycho Santa says, we could all use "the gift of oblivion" right about now.
Friday, Dec. 9 (Netflix)
Season Premiere: 'Merica has made plenty of egregious, perverse and downright stoopid decisions this year, but it's not hyperbole to say our most catastrophic, soul-destroying, 9/11-times-100 act of them all was to make Netflix's Full House reboot Fuller House a hit back in February. Which means the laugh-tracked atrocity is back for a second season within the calendar year, further cementing 2016 as just the worst. Bob Saget, John Stamos, Dave Coulier and Lori Loughlin will again recur, because paychecks, but Fuller House is still about the even-less-interesting next gen of Candace Cameron Bure, Jodie Sweetin and the other one, and the Olsen twins remain conspicuously absent (yay?). Upside, another season of this dreck will help fund other Netflix shows like ...
A Christmas Wedding Date
Saturday, Dec. 10 (Lifetime)
Movie: A few years ago, there was an odd wave of original Christmas TV movies wherein stylish, big-city businesswomen who had everything but time for love or the holidays were knocked unconscious, and then awakened in a cozy small town relieved of those cumbersome career goals and designer fashions, not to mention being romanced by a hunky townie with a flannel shirt and carefree stubble. Not so many in 2016, but A Christmas Wedding Date puts a Groundhog Day spin on the story of Rebecca (Marla Sokoloff of The Practice and the immortal Dude, Where's My Car?), a stylish, big-city businesswoman who gets fired from her corporate job, then returns to her small home town to attend a friend's Christmas Eve wedding. Soon, she's reliving the day over and over again, presumably until she gets her shit together, snags a man and learns The True Meaning of Christmas®. Stray thought: Why has no one pitched a sequel called Dude, Where's My Christmas? Holiday gold!