Running for Utah Senate 

Eight prerequisites for becoming a Utah Senate challenger to Bob Bennett.

Eight prerequisites for becoming a U.S. Senate challenger to Bob Bennett:

8. Must reference Ronald Reagan in at least every third platitude.

7. Must be anything but a Democrat. Just make up a party, like “Reaganologist.”

6. Must reference Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, minus the crazy “no God” stuff.

5. Must want to finish the job in Iraq. Having some idea of what “the job” is, also helpful.

4. Must not be old enough to remember the advent of “talkies.”

3. Must oppose Obama’s Satanic, baby-raping agendas, but support the sacred office of President.

2. Must be so far to the right that even left-turn signal in minivan is disabled.

1. Must know the Constitution inside and out. Then conveniently forget about half of it.

Pin It
Favorite

Tags:

More by Bill Frost

  • Dark Horse

    BoJack Horseman returns, tragicomic as ever; Looking says buh-bye.
    • Jul 20, 2016
  • School's In

    Vice Principals takes Eastbound & Down to class; BrainDead isn't dead yet.
    • Jul 13, 2016
  • Law & Disorder

    The Night Of takes on the (in)justice system; Mr. Robot is back for the re-hack.
    • Jul 6, 2016
  • More »

Latest in The Ocho

  • Ocho, Out

    8 reasons The Ocho has been canceled
    • Nov 4, 2015
  • Spooky & Lazy

    8 easy last-minute Halloween costumes
    • Oct 28, 2015
  • Tuned Out

    8 new radio stations coming soon to the already oversaturated Salt Lake City market
    • Oct 21, 2015
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

‚Äč

Readers also liked…

  • Obama & Utah

    8 reasons President Obama is visiting Utah, according to local talk radio
    • Apr 1, 2015
  • SLC FYI

    8 facts and tips for first-timers visiting Salt Lake City
    • Jul 15, 2015

© 2016 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation