http://www.cityweekly.net/utah/articles.sec-8412-1-cheap-shot.html By Phil Jacobsen

My panda bear would be named “Ping-Pong.” When I was 5, we were living in Washington, D.C., and the National Zoo had just opened the Ling-Ling and Hsing-Hsing panda bear exhibit. Needless to say, I bought in to those two cuddle bears, hook, line and bamboo shoots.]]> By Phil Jacobsen

There’s a difference between being cheap and being stupid. This week, I’ve had to make a decision. Shelly was flying from New York City to Los Angeles and managed to arrange a weekend layover in Salt Lake City. This meant two days with my...]]> By Phil Jacobsen

It starts off like a joke: A man walks into a bar. However, I can attest, this is no joke, because I was the “man.” This man walked into The Republican (917 S. State). Sitting at the bar were two guys, guys like Statler and Waldorf, the two...]]> By Phil Jacobsen

It’s kind of like a math equation: If a cat with four legs has an average territory of 1 square mile, then how far can a three-legged cat travel in two weeks? One block, two blocks? Red fish, blue fish. Now, add to the fact this cat with three...]]> By Phil Jacobsen

Each year, I can’t help but feel slighted when my parents put out the Jacobsen Family Christmas newsletter. “Phil is happy his sister is a dentist,” my list of accomplishments began this year, “Because this means he gets free...]]> By Phil Jacobsen

I must say I have a certain kinship to Ed Grimley. Played by Martin Short on Saturday Night Live in the ‘80s, Ed Grimley danced and pranced about jumping on furniture opining about what would happen if one day he could meet his idol—Pat Sajak.n“Like,...]]> By Phil Jacobsen

There is a city in Germany called Ulm. Even though Salt Lake City collects “sister cities” like a polygamist family collects sister wives, I think we need one more sister. Italy, Japan, Ireland, Bolivia and a few others have a sister city...]]> By Phil Jacobsen

Insane with the propane, insane in the brain, I’m cooking with fire now, and it’s a gas. Really, it is a gas. It’s propane. For my birthday, I got a four-burner 60,000 BTU grill and now I am like a backyard Emeril. Bam! Give me meat,...]]> By Phil Jacobsen

“This is a job for Super Krod,” Lisa said as she handed me her beer. My friends know that I am a superhero, so it’s time I share the news with you. This probably comes as little surprise. Spiderman, for instance, took photos for a newspaper....]]> By Phil Jacobsen

If you’ve got the money, Honey, I’ve got the time. Hello, Honey—get me a beer. Hey, Honey, the dishes are piling up in the sink. Honey? Hello? Oh, yeah—as it turns out, I don’t have a Honey. I’m single. However, this...]]> By Phil Jacobsen

This week, Cheap Shot is taking a detour off the road to cheapness to find out if being too cheap is putting our local coffee shops out of business. That’s right. Are the retailers of black coffee going into the red—because of you? Stay tuned...]]> By Phil Jacobsen

I quit. My job sucks. The boss is such a jerk; he never speaks to me. He’s never said, “Great work today, Phil. Thanks to your working here part-time, I was either able to lay off or not hire three people.” His bottom line looks great....]]> By Phil Jacobsen

This week, I said goodbye to Alchemy Coffee. Goodbye, friendly baristas. I’ll miss your toasted peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches, quiche and fresh fruit. So long, local artwork hanging on the wall. Bye-bye, free Wi-Fi and, aloha, Kona coffee...]]> By Phil Jacobsen

I’ll be a little late,” is my new mantra. I’m a little late because now I’m riding my bike. It’s not for the environment or to lose weight, it’s because I’m broke. All right, I get it. Gas prices are high. I...]]> By Phil Jacobsen

I told my parents I hated them. They promised my sister a horse, my brother a cat—but they would not let me have a pet panda bear. Even at 5 years old, I knew “hate” had to be the worst thing you could say to your mom and dad. Worse...]]> By Phil Jacobsen

I’ve lived in Salt Lake City on and off since 1997. During the “off” times, I’ve lived and worked in Antarctica. You can say by living in Antarctica, I became an adventurer, but if you said that, I’d call you a liar. Really,...]]> By Phil Jacobsen

I don’t care about the five people I’m going to meet in heaven. What concerns me are the three people I’m going to meet at the golf course. I’m not crazy. I don’t consider golfing heaven, because it can be hell. Also, the...]]> By Phil Jacobsen

I’m not a handyman, but to save a few dollars I do own a toolbox, a few power tools and a shovel. When my kitchen sink was leaking, I didn’t call a plumber, I replaced the faucet. When my dining room light quit working, I learned the positives...]]> By Phil Jacobsen

Having sex at BYU is like reading the Kama Sutra upside down. Sex is sex, but you can’t have “extramarital relations” as stated by the BYU honor code. However, when I went to BYU, it seemed like the co-eds I knew who were majoring in...]]> By Phil Jacobsen

Dan and Kat got married. They swore their love to each other and I promised to learn how to play the banjo. They shared their vows surrounded by friends and family, but I kept my vows to myself. They said, “I do.” I said, “Banjo.”...]]>