Resolve Your Resolve 

Nine Resolutions You'll Totally, Definitely, Absolutely Keep in 2016.

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9. Get in shape by always running late.
8. Close your sadly-no-longer-a-parody @Trump4Prez Twitter account.
7. Face reality and throw away that scale that lies in your favor.
6. Read more audiobooks.
5. 'Unplug' by intentionally ducking Rocky Mountain Power.
4. Accept your Mom's friend request.
3. Much to the chagrin of your roommate, start fostering birds.
2. Check 'make a bucket list' off your bucket list.
1. Let your Twitter followers know that you're quitting Facebook, but are still on Instagram.

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