Republican National Convention 2012 

Eight reasons not to hold the 2012 Republican National Convention in Salt Lake City.

Eight reasons not to hold the 2012 Republican National Convention in Salt Lake City:

8. The downtown Olive Garden can’t accommodate 30,000 fine-diners over a week.

7. Mitt Romney has a whole lotta unpaid SLC parking tickets from 2002.

6. The Wasatch Front only has six 24-hour right-wing talk radio stations...

5. ... versus two—two!—NPR-affiliated stations. Might as well be San Gaycisco.

4. The Republican bar can’t accommodate 30,000 too-literal-drinkers over a week.

3. Since global warming doesn’t exist, the temperature in August will be a nippy 105 degrees.

2. The by-then-merged Deseret Tribune won’t have the resources to cover a GOP convention and General Conference.

1. Salt Lake County’s dead-hooker cleanup budget will likely be depleted by 2012.

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