Rave Bans and Smutty Spam 

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Utah’s answer to Don Quixote, Paula Houston, is getting pretty serious about her crusade to stamp out pornography here in Zion. Now the porn czar is tilting at spam (that’s spam not sperm). That’s right, the porn czar is going after unsolicited e-mail containing smutty images or even links to websites with hideous filth, naked bodies twisted every which way.

Well, actually, Ms. Houston is not going after it, herself. Nope. But she has referred 10 complaints about smutty e-mail to the office of the U.S. Attorney for Utah. Just think of her as the U.S. Attorney’s little helper on the state payroll. It’s a smutty job, but somebody has to do it.

Although we get lots of spam here at SmartBomb, we have not received said smut. Why is that? Why is everyone else getting the spam smut, while we only get boring press releases? It doesn’t seem right.

• Speaking of hideous activities, the Utah County Commission has banned dancing after 1 a.m. The commissioners fear that all-night dancing at raves will lead young people to the hug drug ecstasy. Before you know it, kids will be dancing and hugging. And of course, that leads to sex and Internet pornography.

In a related event, the Provo City Council earlier passed an ordinance requiring dance halls to install metal detectors and security cameras. In addition, no private dance parties can be held without a Provo business license, as well as metal detectors and video cameras. It’s enough to make the ’80s-era Kevin Bacon movie Footloose seem like a cruel joke. When dance is outlawed, only outlaws will dance.

• The Utah Transit Authority has put its foot down and says it won’t ask for help from now on when naming TRAX stations. As you’ll recall, everything went squagmire when UTA officials asked Mayor Rocky Anderson and the Salt Lake City Council to help name the stations along the new line from Main Street to the University of Utah.

The mayor suggested that the stops be named Rocky I, Rocky II, Rocky III and Rocky IV. The council, by contrast, wanted to name the stops using the state’s history. Among the proposals were Cricket Crossing, Seagull Landing, Brigham’s B&B and Polygamy Place. UTA officials rejected them all.

In a bit of interesting, if strange, news, the Utah Jazz have selected Raul Lopez, a point guard from Spain, as their first pick in the NBA draft. What’s unusual is that Lopez must play another four years for the Real Madrid team in Spain. As with Greg Ostertag, it seems like the Jazz are always choosing people whom, for one reason or another, can’t play.

And finally, this: Mr. Olympic Spirit himself, Mitt Romney, said he wouldn’t allow so-called grunge music at 2002 Olympic snowboarding events if it’s “offensive or out of step with the Olympics.” One possible replacement for grunge during the Games is a medley of favorites by shock rocker Marilyn Manson, re-dubbed and sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

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