Pass on the Paddy's Parade 

8 reasons you'll be skipping the St. Patrick's Day parade Saturday

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8. Too morning-drunk to participate.

7. Not morning-drunk enough to participate.

6. St. Patrick's Day is Tuesday—why is every holiday relegated to Saturday in Utah?

5. Thought The Gateway had been turned into a community garden.

4. Dry cleaner won't have green thong and matching gimp mask ready in time.

3. Getting back to No. 6: Seriously, WTF?

2. Too fair-skinned to withstand blazing mid-March sun.

1. No Tuesday, no peace.

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