Thursday, Aug. 9 (Adult Swim)
Season Premieres: “The greatest hospital drama in the history of recorded media”—according to Adult Swim and, presumably, anyone who’s ever slogged through an episode of Grey’s Anatomy sober—returns for Season 4, as the sexy doctors of Childrens Hospital face a deadly airborne virus! Or, the ghost of hospital founder Arthur Childrens (guest star Jon Hamm)! Or … don’t really know; Adult Swim is showing the episodes in random, undisclosed order. Then! On the intense Season 2 premiere of NTSF:SD:SUV (National Terrorist Strike Force: San Diego: Sport Utility Vehicle), the elite counter-terrorist unit takes on … really, Adult Swim? No info here, either? Just watch ’em—they’ll be hilarious, you’ll be high, it’ll all work out.
Thursday, Aug. 9 (FX)
Series Debut: Turns out that FX’s jump-ramp to the shark tank wasn’t Charlie Sheen’s Anger Management sitcom, but the staggeringly craptastic Brand X With Russell Brand, “the most painful 30 minutes in the history of recorded media” (according to The Only TV Column That Matters™). So it’s understandable to be skeptical about FX’s next stand-up/multimedia experiment, Totally Biased With W. Kamau Bell. Difference here is: Bell is smart, political and, above all, funny, as well as being edgy in a sly, unassuming way that doesn’t scream “Look at me, ’Merica! I’m edgy!” This is how you follow Louis C.K.’s Louie—thanks for figuring that out, FX.
Saturday, Aug. 11 (Syfy)
Movie: Syfy’s original flicks come in three varieties: mega-budget epics (like the miniseries Tin Man, Alice, Neverland, etc.), cheap-o monster movies (Piranhaconda, Sharktopus, Dinocroc, et al) and the occasional filler with no cash or flash—such as Boogeyman. It has a Syfy actor who was probably already hanging around the studio lot (Warehouse 13’s Eddie McClintock), a been-there story (dumb local teens free a nasty ancient creature from captivity) and a requisite thought-they-were-dead star cameo, in this case … Emma Samms?! From ’80s General Hospital?! Can you get All My Children’s Michael E. Knight for C.H.U.D. 3: The C.H.U.D.ening, Syfy? Pleeeaaase?
Sunday, Aug. 12 (NBC)
Olympic Sneak Preview: Earlier this week, NBC dropped the pilot episode of Matthew Perry’s new sitcom, Go On, after Olympic programming, even though the series doesn’t technically premiere until September—apparently, they want as many viewers as possible to get used to not laughing early (seriously: Go On is bad, bad, bad). Same deal with Animal Practice, a slightly better (read: doesn’t induce suicidal urges) comedy, about a brilliant veterinarian (Weeds’ Justin Kirk) who gets along better with pets than humans—including his new boss/former girlfriend (JoAnna Garcia-Swisher). The cast, which also includes Tyler Labine, Bobby Lee and (yes) a monkey, is solid, but Animal Practice’s pilot is as frenetic and plot-light as a Nicktoon. Still, it’s the best new comedy NBC is busting out this month … did I mention that Go On is just soul-suckingly awful?
Monday, Aug. 13 (NBC)
Series Debut: The military deserves a far better “tribute” than this.
Wednesday, Aug. 15 (The CW)
Series Debut: Musical chairs deserves a far better “tribute” than this.