7. Even less so with professionalism.
6. And really, when you think about it, society.
5. Bribes of Quiznos coupons and premium Rothschild Vodka failed to impress SPJ judges.
4. Not enough heart-tugging content about refugees, polygamists, war veterans or waterskiing squirrels.
3. An extremely white guy writing a Spanish-titled column confused the SPJ diversity czar.
2. Disqualified for use of performance-enhancing drugs (i.e. Miller High Life).
1. Submissions returned for insufficient postage; poorly scribbled “Don’t you know who I am?” message in lieu of stamp.