Next week's Private Eye ideas 

Twitter let me down last night. What should I write about next week?

Lara Grant: Write about how sad it is that our governor is ditching us to be Asskisser No. 1 for the world’s biggest bully.

Ted Scheffler: I think you should write about the strange phenomenon that all of us who allegedly hate Twitter can’t stop using it!

Jeremiah Smith: I would like to see an article on why Salt Lake City lacks a good, 24-hour hole-in-the-wall greasy spoon. Since we no longer have Bill & Nada’s, it is a need somebody desperately needs to meet.

Jackie Briggs: How about what the world would be like if the entire Internet crashed for a week straight. How far do you think we’d fall? I, for one, would overdraw my account 30 times because I wouldn’t be able to constantly check my balance, and I refuse to balance my checkbook manually. Actually, I don’t think I even have a checkbook—or a piece of lined paper, for that matter.

Christopher Westergard: You could write about some of my current favorite things; 1. fro-yo and mini gummy bears, 2. swamp coolers vs. central air, 3. Adam Lambert’s sexuality. All three of these topics would be enchanting subjects for Private Eye.

Nick Clark: Average attention span has spiraled down to about 140 characters. Journalism responds by writing twosentence articles.

Paula Saltas: You can ask your readers what would be a wonderful anniversary present—May 31 is coming up.

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