New Grand Chef
The Grand America Hotel has announced the appointment of executive head chef Phillip Yates. During his career, Yates has cooked for luminaries such as Laura Bush and the loveable Dick Cheney and, now he’ll cook for you … at The Grand America, located at 555 S. Main.
There’s bacon and then there’s bacon. This bacon should get you through to the apocalypse. It’s called Tactical Bacon (smoke flavor added!) and it’s 54 strips of ready-to-eat bacon in a can, which sells for $15.99. That might sound like a lot of dough for 9 ounces of bacon, but here’s the rub: Tactical Bacon has a 10-year shelf life. So it’s perfect for your underground doomsday bunker, after the zombies have eaten all of the actual pigs. Just think of it: You can eat this bacon in the year 2019! A word of warning though: Once opened, the bacon must be eaten or refrigerated. So, you’ll need to snarf up all 54 pieces of bacon— or, perhaps, host a Tactical Bacon party. You can purchase Tactical Bacon, along with all sorts of snazzy firearms, at cmmginc.secure-mall.com
Take a hike
Wanna get paid to hike the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu in Peru? Have I got a deal for you! Firestone Vineyard, based in Santa Ynez, Calif., is accepting applications for a Firestone Discoveries Pathfinder. It’s a part-time, one-month, independent contractor job. The winning candidate will hike the Inca Trail, accompanied by a specially selected guest chef who will prepare gourmet meals on the trail. The job of the Discoveries Pathfinder is to keep a video and photo journal of the trip and file post-trip reports on the Firestone Website. Oh, one more thing: Firestone will pay a stipend of $1,000. For information about requirements and rules to apply for Firestone’s Discoveries Pathfinder position, go to FirestoneDiscoveries.com
Quote of the week: I often take exercise. Why only yesterday I had my breakfast in bed. — Oscar Wilde
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