7. Calling radio stations in last-ditch effort to win Glenn Beck tickets and impress the ghosts of the Founding Fathers.
6. Xeriscaping entire block as a nice Monday surprise for vacationing neighbors.
5. Revamping Nash Bridges fan-fiction website.
4. Chugging that quart of triple sec that’s been in the cabinet since Labor Day.
3. Passing on Miss Rutabaga Days tiara to that skinny new bitch who didn’t even earn it.
2. Loading the complete works of Ayn Rand and Chelsea Handler into new iPad.
1. Memorializing, etc.