Eight excuses for your boss as to why you just can’t work on Memorial Day:
8. Don’t want to put off that street-dance battle against the Nephi 435 crew any longer.
7. “I am not missing another Pawn Stars marathon, Greg! Suck it!”
6. Have to finally mow the lawn; pretty sure there’s a dead dog in there somewhere.
5. “My band is playing the Nothin’ But the ’90s fest—don’t you remember? I’m Steve Smash Mouth!”
4. As a certified Maxxinista, you’re legally obligated to spend the day shopping at T.J.Maxx.
3. “You wouldn’t understand—to maintain a secret second family, you have to put in the time.”
2. If the next podcast doesn’t get finished, 12.5 downloaders are going to be very disappointed.
1. “We only put out a paper once a week—why do I have to spend another Monday drunk?” (City Weekly employees only)