PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
You
should be like a rooster, Pisces: dispensing wake-up calls on a regular
basis. You should be nudging people to shed their torpor and shake
themselves out of their stupor. What’s your personal version of
“Cockadoodle-doo!”? It shouldn’t be something generic like “Open your
eyes!” or “Stop making excuses!” Come up with attention-grabbing
exclamations or signature phrases that no intelligent person can
possibly ignore or feel defensive about. For example: “Let’s leap into
the vortex and scramble our trances!”?
ARIES (March 21-April 19)
At one point in his book The Divine Comedy, the
Italian poet Dante is traveling through purgatory on his way to
paradise. American poet T.S. Eliot describes the scene: “The people
there were inside the flames expurgating their errors and sins. And
there was one incident when Dante was talking to an unknown woman in her
flame. As she answered Dante’s questions, she had to step out of her
flame to talk to him, until at last she was compelled to say to Dante,
‘Would you please hurry up with your questions so I can get on with my
burning?’“ I bring this to your attention, Aries, because I love the way
you’ve been expurgating your own errors and sins lately. Don’t let
anything interfere with your brilliant work. Keep burning till you’re
done. (Source: “A New Type of Intellectual: Contemplative Withdrawal and
Four Quartets,” by Kenneth P. Kramer.)
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
If
you’ve been holding yourself back in any way, Taurus, now’s the time to
unlock and unleash yourself. If you have been compromising your high
standards or selling yourself short, I hope you will give yourself
permission to grow bigger and stronger and brighter. If you’ve been
hiding your beauty or hedging your bets or rationing your access to the
mother lode, you have officially arrived at the perfect moment to stop
that nonsense.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
In the cult blaxploitation film The Human Tornado, the
main character Dolemite brags about his prowess. “I chained down
thunder and handcuffed lightning!” he raves. “I used an earthquake to
mix my milkshake! I eat an avalanche when I want ice cream! I punched a
hurricane and made it a breeze! I swallowed an iceberg and didn’t
freeze!” This is the way I want to hear you talk in the coming week,
Gemini. Given the current astrological configurations, you have every
right to. Furthermore, I think it’ll be healthy for you.
CANCER (June 21-July 22)
Astrologer
Antero Alli theorizes that the placement of the sign Cancer in a
person’s chart may indicate what he or she tends to whine about. In his
own chart, he says, Cancer rules his ninth house, so he whines about
obsolete beliefs and bad education and stale dogmas that cause people to
shun firsthand experience as a source of authority. I hereby declare
these issues to be supremely honorable reasons for you to whine in the
coming week. You also have cosmic permission to complain vociferously
about the following: injustices perpetrated by small-minded people;
short-sighted thinking that ignores the big picture; and greedy
self-interest that disdains the future. On the other hand, you don’t
have clearance to whine about crying babies, rude clerks, or traffic
jams.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)
L.A. Weekly praised
the music of drone-noise band Barn Owl. Its review said that the
listening experience is “akin to placing your ear against the Dalai
Lama’s stomach and catching the sound of his reincarnation juices
flowing.” That sounds a bit like what’s ahead for you in the coming
week, Leo: getting the lowdown on the inner workings of a benevolent
source ... tuning in to the rest of the story that lies behind a
seemingly simple, happy tale ... gathering up revelations about the
subterranean currents that are always going on beneath the surface of
the good life. It’s ultimately all positive, although a bit complicated.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
In
the coming days, you could do a lot to develop a better relationship
with darkness. And no, I don’t mean that you should do bad things and
seek out negativity and be fascinated with evil. When I use that word
“darkness,” I’m referring to confusing mysteries and your own
unconscious patterns and the secrets you hide from yourself. I mean the
difficult memories and the parts of the world that seem inhospitable to
you and the sweet dreams that have lost their way. See what you can do
to understand this stuff better, Virgo. Open yourself to the redemptive
teachings it has for you.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Sister Jessica, a character in Frank Herbert’s Dune books,
says, “The greatest and most important problems of life cannot be
solved. They can only be outgrown.” I encourage you to use that theory
as your operative hypothesis for the foreseeable future. Here are some
specific clues about how to proceed: Don’t obsess on your crazy-making
dilemma. Instead, concentrate on skillfully doing the pleasurable
activities that you do best. Be resolutely faithful to your higher
mission and feed your lust for life. Slowly but surely, I think you’ll
find that the frustrating impediment will be drained of at least some of
its power to lock up your energy.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
A
few years ago, the Hong Kong company Life Enhance sold briefs and boxer
shorts that were supposedly designed by a master practitioner of feng
shui. On the front of every garment was an image of a dragon, which the
Chinese have traditionally regarded as a lucky symbol. To have this
powerful charm in contact with your intimate places increased your vital
force—or so the sales rap said. By my estimates, Scorpio, you’re not
going to need a boost like that in the coming weeks. Without any outside
aids whatsoever, your lower furnace will be generating intense beams of
magical heat. What are you going to do with all that potent mojo?
Please don’t use it on trivial matters.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
There
are times in your life when you do a lot of exploring in the outer
world, and other times when your pioneering probes are directed
primarily inward. In my astrological opinion, you’re currently more
suited for the latter kind of research. If you agree with me, here’s one
tack you might want to take: Take an inventory of all your inner
voices, noticing both the content of what they say and the tone with
which they say it. Some of them may be chatty and others shy; some
blaring and others seductive; some nagging and needy and others calm and
insightful. Welcome all the voices in your head into the spotlight of
your alert attention. Ask them to step forward and reveal their agendas.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
The
Oxford English Dictionary, an authority on the state of the English
language, adds an average of two new words every day. In the coming
weeks, Capricorn, I’d like to see you expand your capacity for
self-expression with equal vigor. According to my reading of the
astrological omens, you’re due for an upgrade in your vocabulary, your
clarity, and your communication skills. Here’s one of the OED’s fresh
terms, which would be a good addition to your repertoire:
“bouncebackability,” the ability to recover from a setback or to rebound
from a loss of momentum.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
We
turn to Dr. Seuss for help in formulating your horoscope this week. He
told a story of dining in a restaurant with his uncle, who was served a
popover, which is a puffy muffin that’s hollow on the inside. “To eat
these things,” said his uncle, “you must exercise great care. You may
swallow down what’s solid, but you must spit out the air!” Drawing a
lesson from these wise words, Dr. Seuss concluded, “As you partake of
the world’s bill of fare, that’s darned good advice to follow. Do a lot
of spitting out the hot air. And be careful what you swallow.” I expect
your coming week will be successful, Aquarius, if you apply these
principles.
Go to RealAstrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes. Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.