Lies, Interviews & Newscasts 

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Anyone holding his breath waiting for the Deseret News’ review of The Vagina Monologues has turned blue and died. The editors of the Mormon church-owned newspaper have apparently determined not to cover the award-winning play as presented by a national touring company, which just finished a run in Zion.

Here at Smartbomb, we’re not sure why (OK, we’re lying) the D News decided not to cover The Vagina Monologues, but we can guess after reading the afternoon paper’s June 10 entertainment lineup under the headline: “18 plays, musicals opening—Shows range from enchanting to utterly vulgar.”

Guess which one is “vulgar?” Could it be The Vagina Monologues? Duh.

At the very bottom of the rundown under the heading “Eve Ensler” is this quip: “The print version of the script indicates that the production is mostly tasteless and vulgar. Many people would likely find the material in the show to be highly offensive … You’re on your own with this one.”

Of course, that sounds a little provincial and narrow-minded, but at least they printed the words “Vagina Monologues.” Let’s give credit where credit is due. And the theater critic at the D News still has his job, as does the editor. There, now.

Speaking of theater of the absurd, Olympic fall guy Tom Welch has agreed to be interviewed by Mike Wallace on 60 Minutes. That makes root canal work look like fun.

Welch may think that this is his big chance to tell America what really happened inside the Great Olympic Scandal, but it could backfire. Mike is not going to go as easy on Tom as he did with LDS Church President Gordon B. Hinckley.

On the other hand, the rest of Utah’s Olympic underworld will be holding their breaths. Welch is not going to go quietly into the good night, or prison, or wherever.

Poor Utah County Commissioner David Gardner just can’t catch a break. After a couple of alcohol-related scandals, the commish was caught sitting on a box behind a State Liquor Store in Murray drinking some rot-gut, according to Murray police. An officer responded to a phone call that a man was getting shit-faced outside the liquor store.

While the officer determined Gardner was drinking, he also found that the embattled Provo resident wasn’t breaking any laws. When contacted by Provo’s Daily Herald, Gardner admitted that there was a cup full of alcohol near where he was sitting but that it wasn’t his. “I don’t drink any more,” he said. Right.

• And finally, this: KSL TV news reporter Jill Atwood, reporting on the recent storm and power outages, told viewers that if their electricity had not yet come back on, to just be patient. How they could be watching TV without electricity, of course, is anyone’s guess. But KSL news director Brink Chipman was rumored to have said following the faux pas that Channel 5’s new ratings are so high that it isn’t even necessary to have a TV to pick up their signal.

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