Lake Effect | War Stories 

click to enlarge art5891widea.jpg

Utah AM-radio talkers, long besieged by the forces of secularism, were shocked to discover that Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. has joined the enemy camp and declared war on Christmas.

“Can you see it?” demanded local AM-radio babbler Rash Hannitard, waving a sheet of folded, embossed blue cardstock in the faces of surprised Wal-Mart shoppers. “Right here on the inside of this … this travesty? I can’t even call it a Christmas card.”

Sure enough, the inside inscription read, “May your Holiday Season”—not “Christmas”—“be one of hope and peace. —The Huntsmans.”

When an agitated store manager pointed out that the front of the card clearly read, “Merry [Governor’s Seal] Christmas,” Hannitard started shrieking something about “the slippery edge of the wedge.”

A growing number of AM-radio talkers have decided to ignore the birth of their lord and savior. Instead, they plan to spend the month of December browbeating perceived political enemies and retailers who decorate their stores incorrectly.

Pin It
Favorite

Tags:

More by Brandon Burt

Latest in News

  • Street Justice

    On the front lines of policing crime around the downtown shelter, a cop and a homeless addict repeatedly clash.
    • Sep 28, 2016
  • Roblox Roadblock

    Two seventh-grade developers discuss the rise and fall of their Trump-inspired video game.
    • Sep 21, 2016
  • Family Business

    With 14 positions open ahead of the state's pension shift in 2011, UFA hired 10 family members.
    • Sep 14, 2016
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • A Monkey Tale

    News story highlighting animal testing mysteriously disappears
    • Jun 29, 2016
  • Holy Spirits

    City Weekly's first Cocktail Guide from A-Z
    • Jul 20, 2016

© 2016 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation