Lake Effect: Tappy Feet 

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Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, isn’t gay, never has been. He said so himself. Obviously, what was really happening in that airport stall was a little-known Republican ritual, using hand and foot signals to communicate political strategies.

Before more not-gay Republicans attempt to do this, though, they’d better get all the facts about complex Republican bathroom-stall etiquette. For instance, Craig’s foot tap followed by the swish of his palm under the stall meant, “Golly, the GOP sure is getting pounded in the polls!”

Two taps, a swish and a tap means, “No, kidding—we sure pulled a boner this time! We’ve got to bend over backward if we expect anybody to pull the GOP lever in 2008.”

And, finally, a slow swish followed by three taps in rapid succession means, “Well, could be worse—at least the ‘values voters’ are still on our side. Can you imagine how hard it would be if we had to put up with homosexuals in our party?”
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