Lake Effect: Swimming Poo(l) 

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Even though the Utah Department of Health modified its swimming restrictions this week for children less than 5 years old, it’s still against the rules to dip diaper-clad babies into swimming pools.

This came as a harsh blow to bad parents who, apparently, discovered this summer how much more convenient the “dipping method” of child hygiene is compared to the old-fashioned “change that kid’s drawers, already” method. Fountains such as those in The Gateway and Liberty Park are likewise off-limits to the Pampers set. (Sorry, Depends folks—you’re banned, too!)

The resulting cryptosporidium outbreak caused people to scream and run away from the water in numbers that haven’t been seen since Jaws 3-D was released. The last hot weeks of summer were very dry, indeed.

Fortunately, the health deparment’s “hyperchlorination” policy will continue—meaning that it will still be possible to bleach out your adult underthings at the community pool.
cw
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