Lake Effect | On a Roll 

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Utah is brimming with corporate goodwill this week now that Procter & Gamble has agreed to help eliminate some problems Box Elder County has with unsightly foliage and wildlife. For $85 million of corporate welfare, the asswipe giant agreed to obscure views of all those pesky plants and bunnies by constructing a shiny new toilet-paper factory.

It can’t be a coincidence, then, that recently a reader named Tony alerted us to some copy appearing on P&G’s Charmin packaging that reads: “Choose the Right Charmin for You.”

We can only conclude that this is P&G’s way of trumpeting its profitable venture inside the Zion Curtain by developing a new, CTR-themed variety of Charmin suitable for the most discerning of Utah bottoms.

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More by Brandon Burt

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