Lake Effect | Herriman Ãœber Alles 

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Ellen Lindsey, the Fort Herriman Middle School health teacher who was placed on leave for allegedly revealing non-government-approved facts about sex during a sex-ed lecture, is a new hero.

The resulting furor, during which purse-lipped and/or hysterical parents unconvincingly accused the 30-year veteran teacher of everything from giving oral-sex tips to advocating lesbianism, established Herriman as the newest capital of Utah prudishness.

One parent, who wishes to remain anonymous, shared her experiences with Herriman schools: “As I waited for my child in his elementary school office, I realized that the music playing on the office intercom was the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.”

Some area residents hold such strong nanny-government values that Rep. Carl Wimmer, R-Herriman, plans to introduce legislation that will criminalize teachers who don’t toe the government line (see News). We wish the coming generation good luck.

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