Lake Effect | Don’t Be an Ash 

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The cremation controversy is back in the news—surprisingly, though, this time it’s not raging in the Provo Daily Herald.

A Jennifer Toomer-Cook story in the D-News’ Sept. 13 religion section reported that, while cremation has become more common throughout the United States, its popularity has risen only slightly in Utah. This is because some members of the LDS Church feel it’s a hassle for God to resurrect cremated remains. (One man whose mother was cremated said a man told him, “God’s going to have a hard time finding all her pieces to put her back together.”)

Such beliefs are nothing if not considerate; after all, who wants to waste God’s time? (Especially if your faithfulness in life was somewhat borderline—if resurrecting you became too time-consuming, God might just put it off for another day. And he’s got long days!)

A more postmodern post-mortem option—that of being “plastinated” and put on public display as in the Leonardo’s coming Body Works exhibit (Read Five Spot)—may or may not be convenient for God, but at least it would keep all your parts stuck together in the same place.

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