Just Say No to Christmas 

The guide to not celebrating Christmas

Page 4 of 5

An! Ti! So! Cial!
So you want no part of Christmas, whatsoever—you really hate it. Options, peaceful and otherwise:

Into the Wild
Millcreek Canyon’s picnic area gates are closed, but the ski trail is open. “You’ll need snowshoes or cross-country skis,” says Craig Cheney with Salt Lake County Parks and Recreation (SLCO.org/Parks/MillcreekCanyon/index.html).

Holly Baker with Zion National Park says they’re open, but beware icy trails and hazardous road conditions—watch forecasts and take appropriate precautions. Download Zion’s Winter Map & Guide here: NPS.gov/zion/faqs.htm. Or just bring a chubby friend and a boning knife… (NPS.gov/Zion)

Home Alone
Books are a great escape, particularly if they’re set in Harry Crews’ deep, sweltering South or the beaches of Baja and Central America (Allan C. Weisbecker’s surf/road trip memoir In Search of Captain Zero).
Backlogged with tasks and projects? Heed Bre Pettis and Kio Stark’s “The Cult of Done Manifesto” (BrePettis.com/blog/2009/3/3/the-cult-of-done-manifesto.html), which says “banish procrastination” and “failure counts as done—so do mistakes.”

Spread your own good cheer. Remember to delete your browsing history, cookies, and temp files and save the good stuff to a thumb drive on your keychain.

click to enlarge goofyrockinsanta.jpg
Being An Asshole to THOSE Who Enjoy Xmas

The antisocial/misanthropic could harass the Whos in Whoville…
• Dress as Zombie Santa and feast on slab of baby backs in front of their kids.
• Apartment dwellers: Grab that cheap guitar you can barely play, and practice “Silent Night” on 11 for three hours.
• Deliver undesirable secret Santa gifts (hospital biohazard containers, copies of The Secret) via ding-dong-ditch.

Anthrax, in “Antisocial,” sing: You put a price tag on what you see/This one’s for you, that’s for me/If that’s winning I’d rather lose. Does this sum up your frustration with holiday materialism? BuyNothingChristmas.org aims to de-commercialize Christmas. Capitalism, they say, “favors the rich, abandons the poor, is heartless, and is based upon the assumption that people buy things out of self-interest.” Sound like Commie propaganda? Get this—the BNC’s founders are Canadian Mennonites and the org’s full purpose is to conquer overconsumption by North Americans and “re-design a Christian lifestyle … richer in meaning, smaller in impact on the Earth, and greater in giving to people less privileged.”
Pin It


More by Randy Harward

Latest in Cover Story

  • The Real You

    A woman charts her wild time-machine journey of DNA genetic testing and, through it all, finds a sense of belonging.
    • Feb 3, 2016
  • Let's All Go to the Legislature!

    Forty-five days. More than 1,200 proposed bills. Tons o' fun.
    • Jan 27, 2016
  • Biting the Bullet

    How a peace-loving British journalist ended up shopping for a gun in Utah.
    • Jan 13, 2016
  • More »


Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment


Readers also liked…

© 2016 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation