iPhone 6 Secrets 

8 rumored new features of the soon-to-be-released iPhone 6

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8. Extended battery life of up to 25 minutes.

7. Upgraded iPentagram connector port that's incompatible even with supplied power cord.

6. Optional ex-Genius Bar employee to follow you around and say "No, you're doing it wrong."

5. Larger display; pre-cracked iVintage screen.

4. Newer, clunkier, aggravating versions of apps that worked perfectly fine before.

3. Also, they won't delete. Ever.

2. Streamlined iCloud interface that forwards nude selfies directly to TMZ.

1. Stabilized, smoother new iAndroid operating system.

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