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If you could substitute politicians for roosters, who would you like to see in a legislative “cockfight”?

If you could substitute politicians for roosters, who would you like to see in a legislative “cockfight”?

Alissa Dimick: Sarah Palin and Rob Ford. Because, duh.

Scott Renshaw: That sounds too much like what already happens: flapping and screeching and accepting no outcome except the death of your opponent. I’m just goofy enough to imagine people sitting down, having a conversation and not behaving like animals engaged in primitive ritualistic assault.

Colin Wolf: Wow, great question, but I think we need to clarify some things first. Will each politician be kept in a cage and starved for an equal amount of time? Do they get customized metal talons, or do they only get to use their fists? Will each politician be shorn and feathered? Are the politicians regular-sized or rooster-sized? Come on, let’s keep this legit.

Rachel Piper: I saw Utah politicians unleash a can of whoop-ass on the pathetic Salt Lake Tribune team during a recent “friendly” basketball game. I think the score after 10 minutes was something like 67-3, so I know the kind of raw bloodlust that’s at work under those suits. I think if we closed the cafeteria, removed the bowls of taffy and locked the Capitol doors for a few hours during the legislative session, Utah would become a lawless state.

Eric Peterson: If we’re talking about a sheer cagematch-type situation, I would say former lawmaker Carl Wimmer vs. Sen. Mark Madsen. Wimmer because he has law enforcement training and can bench press a crap-ton of weight, and Madsen because he’s built like a Bond villain and has martial arts experience. I think it would be a hell of a fight and I couldn’t say for certain who I’d put my money on.

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