Golfing Paradise; Where's Your Perversion?; Can't Take This Sitting Down 

Golfing Paradise
Mr. Hult, I too can't imagine heaven without golf ["Eternal Questions," Aug. 7, City Weekly].

But you don't need to worry about everyone hitting perfect shots every time. I think I have this figured out. We will still hit good shots, bad shots and mediocre shots. It's just that the bad and mediocre shots won't frustrate us. We will just be happy there is golf in heaven.

Oh, and when I hit a ball into the weeds on heaven's golf courses, I'll always find my ball.

Kyle Lybbert
Cottonwood Heights

Where's Your Perversion?
I was shocked and appalled by the Staff Box in the July 31 issue. When asked for "something you secretly enjoy," not a single one of your writers could come up with an actual embarrassing secret. Stephen Dark's secret shame is "enjoying ... Buffy the Vampire Slayer"? Who told him he shouldn't watch a critically acclaimed and widely beloved television show? Paydn Augustine admitted they smoke, which might be a shameful secret if he worked at Deseret News, but this is City Weekly, for crying out loud!

Where are the nostalgic reminisces about coke-fueled stripper-infested '80s parties? Will no one cop to youthful dalliances with cock fighting? I'm not expecting a flat out admission of embezzling public funds, but no one even hinted that they'd have to plead the fifth if Staff Box were a grand jury subpoena.

Those of us who rely on City Weekly for perversion and criminality were seriously disappointed.

J'Myle Koretz
Salt Lake City

Can't Take This Sitting Down
My wife and I had the great pleasure of going to the Tedeschi Trucks show at Red Butte Garden. We enjoy the gardens and the concert venue. We marvel at the consistently top-tier entertainment and the wonderful staff. We feel that Red Butte is the best venue in the valley, and that we are all blessed to have access to such a unique place.

The people who attend these events tend to be friendly, fun, generous and understanding. Understanding, I say, because while the venue allows chairs and blankets, people frequently choose to stand. My wife and I are dancers. Not professionally, but when we're enjoying the music at a show, we're hard-pressed to want to sit down.

We were not alone in our enthusiasm. There were many concert-goers on their feet. So when we heard calls of "down in front," we did what most other folks did: We ignored them. After a final admonishment for our indulgence, I made a mistake. I turned to the complainers (who were not directly behind us) and asked, "Did you come here to hear the show or see the show? If you want to see the show, I suggest that you stand up." I felt a tinge of regret when they promptly moved. It was not long after this that my wife heard over her shoulder, "Why have nice chairs like that if you're not going to sit in them?" Minutes later, my wife noticed that one of our chairs was gone.

I suppose they were trying to teach me a lesson. Unfortunately, the lesson failed. Now that I am chairless, I am forced to stand, and compelled to dance through entire sets. Opening acts will now have at least one visual confirmation that their material is hitting home. The temptation to sit through power ballads is no longer an issue. I am not going to take this sitting down, because now I can't!

To the chair bandits, I can only say this: Thank you! Alleviating me of my property will only serve to enhance my enjoyment of the coming concert calendar. I'm sure you will see me there, perhaps in front of you, dancing the night away.

Matthew Henry
Sugar House

Correction: In "Parking Perks" [Aug. 14, City Weekly], Wayne Holland's title was misstated. Holland is the former chairman of the Utah Democratic Party.

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