Eight ways to still get high legally after the Utah legislature criminalizes Spice:
8. Sniff this paper really, really hard.
7. For those reading online, stick your tongue in any USB port.
6. Cough syrup. If unavailable, substitute maple syrup with a Jagermeister sidecar.
5. Find the smelliest vendor at the Farmers Market; ask for their most organic “product.”
4. Bang head repeatedly against a brick wall—ask any local Democrat.
3. Lick a stripper pole in Ogden. Actually, lick anything in Ogden.
2. Sync the new David Archuleta album up with Pineapple Express; concentrate.
1. Through the power of the Lord … by sniffing the Deseret News really, really hard.