Frost Bytes: Nuns N’ Roses 

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The Frost Bytes roller derby report for August: Once again, the Salt City Derby Girls played in front of a near-capacity crowd last Saturday night, as the Sisters of No Mercy (nuns who love discipline more than Jesus) skated against the Leave It to Cleavers (’50s housewives gone aggro) at the Utah Olympic Oval in Kearns. The Sisters took an early lead and held it for two periods, but the Cleavers rallied in the third and closed the gap up to the final buzzer, barely losing the bout 82-78. The Sisters will now face off against the Bomber Babes (featuring Mrs. Frost Bytes, Red Suzy) in a demonstration bout next week to determine who’ll go up against the undefeated Death Dealers in the SCDG 2007 championship game on Sept. 22. Before that, however, the Salt City Derby Girls’ all-star team, the Salt Shakers, will take on the Pike’s Peak Derby Dames of Colorado Springs at the Oly Oval here at home Sept 8. Info and such: SLCDerby.com.

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• Have you come down off your High School Musical 2 buzz yet? You must be over 14. The Disney Channel’s sequel to last year’s hit TV movie—filmed in Salt Lake City and St. George (see The Ocho)—became the highest-rated program in basic cable history last Friday night, premiering to an audience of over 17 million, and that’s not even counting viewing parties of multiple squealing kiddies (oh, you poor parents). The previous record-holder HSM2 edged out was … CNN’s 1993 debate of the North American Free Trade Agreement? Just imagine if Disney can get Al Gore and Ross Perot to sing and dance in High School Musical 3! See, kids, Ross Perot was …

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• … probably another tool of The Globalists. According to “America’s Last Real Newspaper,” The American Free Press, the Bilderberg Group (a cadre of rich guys who hold secret meetings in posh hotels to discuss global issues, or Control the World!—depends on whom you ask) met in Canada earlier this week “to accomplish a North American Union without congressional action … to define its goal of a borderless union of the United States, Mexico and Canada as something Americans will welcome,” says AFP. “The report explains how ‘hemispheric integration’ will be a blessing for all and not a surrender of sovereignty. It is to be presented to the three governments in September.” Finally! Mexican food, Canadian beer, mmm …

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{::INSERTAD::} • Then again, not everything The American Free Press spits out as fact adds up: “To consolidate their influence, the Masters of the Media and their international corporate allies reward obedient journalists with membership[s] in the Council on Foreign Relations or the Trilateral Commission where they rub shoulders with others in the international policy-making networks,” says AFP’s mission statement, making me wonder if my reward got lost in the mail. “Behind the scenes are the shadowy owners and corporate power brokers who dictate what you will (or will not) see in your daily newspaper.” Oh, daily newspapers. Yeah, those bastards are pure fucking evil.

 

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