Puppets live among us, though they prefer to be called Fabricated Americans. The Flesh Man has oppressed them for generations, but the revolution is upon us ...
Tube Stops* Thursday, March 21: Leap of Faith (NBC, 7:30 p.m.) Faith gets drunk and flashes her boobs at a punk-rock bar, then Andy has boobs flashed at him while he’s at the office. I spend all my time at either punk-rock bars or the office and I never get flashed by boob one—what up?
* Friday, March 22: Under One Roof (UPN, 7 p.m.) Series Debut: In yet another crap reality series, five families live in a beach house—put the Osbournes in there and make it interesting! The Chronicle (Sci-Fi Channel, 7 p.m.) Series Finale: In another cool show being canceled, Grace flashes her boobs at a grateful fellow weekly hack after a few JÃ¤gers at the punk bar.
* Saturday, March 23: UC Undercover (NBC, 7 p.m.) Series Finale: Since no one ever watched it, there’s really no point in recapping, is there? Fluid Television (KJZZ 14, 10:30 p.m.) New Timeslot: Nyk Fry moves again, but still refuses to flash his boobs to grab ratings … thank God.
* Sunday, March 24: The 74th Annual Academy Awards (ABC, 6 p.m.) Russell Crowe presents the Best Actress award, but won’t read the winner until Halle Berry, Judi Dench, Nicole Kidman, Sissy Spacek and RenÃ©e Zellweger flash their boobs at him. Sit down, Halle.
* Monday, March 25: The Bachelor (ABC, 8 p.m.) Series Debut: A hopeless, er, hopeful suitor chooses a “lucky” bride from 15 women. Insert polygamy and/or boob-flash joke here.
* Tuesday, March 26: The Court (ABC, 9 p.m.) Series Debut: Sally Field stars as a Supreme Court justice who can fly and flash her boobs. Those geezers on First Monday can’t do that.
* Wednesday, March 27: George Lopez (ABC, 7:30 p.m.) Series Debut: An Hispanic sitcom produced by white folks—el excremento! Wednesday (ABC, 8:30 p.m.) Series Debut: Behind the scenes at a dying network. ABC? Greg the Bunny (Fox, 8:30 p.m.) Series Debut: Flash your boobs if you like bunnies! Or Gregs!