City Weekly asked Sen. Todd Weiler, R-Woods Cross, to translate some selected excerpts of President Barack Obama’s 2012 Democratic National Convention speech to distill meaning from the hope-y-change-y rhetoric.
"Michelle, I love you."
Translation: Your poll numbers are higher than mine.
"And Joe Biden, thank you for being the best Vice President I could ever hope for."
Translation: Because I gave your speaking slot to Bill Clinton.
"If you’re sick of hearing me approve this message, believe me – so am I."
Translation: This whole campaign is beneath me. After all, Messiahs don't have to run for re-election!
"And the truth is, it will take more than a few years for us to solve challenges that have built up over decades."
Translation: It's still Bush's fault, and I need another four years to fix it.
"We will never forget you. And so long as I’m Commander-in-Chief, we will sustain the strongest military the world has ever known."
Translation: I'm cutting their budget with a chainsaw.
"My opponent and his running mate are new to foreign policy, but from all that we’ve seen and heard, they want to take us back to an era of blustering and blundering that cost America so dearly."
Translation: I have no economic record to run on so all I've got left is foreign policy. (Oops, what just happened in Benghazi?)
"Now, I’m still eager to reach an agreement based on the principles of my bipartisan debt commission."
Translation: But after you re-elect me I will be king for four years—a king with "flexibility"!
"We believe that when a family can no longer be tricked into signing a mortgage they can’t afford, that family is protected, but so is the value of other people’s homes, and so is the entire economy."
Translation: If you lost your house, blame the bank instead of me.
"So you see, the election four years ago wasn’t about me. It was about you. My fellow citizens—you were the change."
Translation: Everything I promised to change has gotten worse. So now it's your fault.
"I’m no longer just a candidate. I’m the president."
Translation: Forget that I had no foreign policy experience as a state senator, and focus on my opponent's weaknesses.
"If you reject the notion that this nation’s promise is reserved for the few, your voice must be heard in this election. If you reject the notion that our government is forever beholden to the highest bidder, you need to stand up in this election."
Translation: We can't let an uber-rich guy like Romney take over the country.
"America, I never said this journey would be easy, and I won’t promise that now. Yes, our path is harder—but it leads to a better place. Yes, our road is longer—but we travel it together. We don’t turn back. We leave no one behind."
Translation: You should re-elect me even though I didn't keep my promises.
Election Guide 2012: