Dueling Crapola 

Straining to tell the difference between Fox’s The Chamber and ABC’s The Chair.

How tapped-out are the genres of reality and game-show television? Networks are fighting over the rights to “ideas” buried 11.8 miles below the bottom of the barrel.

Tube StopsThursday, Jan. 24: The Tick (Fox, 7:30 p.m.) The Final Episode: Arthur’s mom hires a deprogrammer (Dave Foley) after she learns he has become The Tick’s superhero sidekick ... God, why?! No Tick, no peace! No Tick, no peace! No Tick, no peace! No Tick ... OK, fine, whatever.

Friday, Jan. 25: Lexx (Sci-Fi Channel, 8 p.m.) Season Premiere: Stan and Kai journey deep into a magic forest in order to help Xev, and there’s no psuedo-sexual subtext in there at all. The Tick would have liked that ...

Saturday, Jan. 26: Batman vs. Superman (Cartoon Network, 2-8 p.m.) Six-hour marathon in which viewers vote online to decide who rules the mostest, Batman or Superman. Naturally, the real answer is The Tick! The greatest superhero of them all! What’s the use of going on?! Sigh ...

Sunday, Jan. 27: Movie: Rose Red (2002, ABC, 8 p.m.) Part 1 of 3: Stephen King’s direct-to-TV mini-series about a spooky Seattle mansion and the paranormal researcher (Nancy Travis) investigating mysterious deaths linked to it. You know, like the mysterious death of ... The Tick!

Monday, Jan. 28: A Personal Story, A Makeover Story, A Dating Story, A Baby Story, A Wedding Story, Trading Spaces (TLC, noon-6 p.m.) You talk about yourself, make yourself pretty, go out with a guy, get pregnant, force him to marry you, and your friends to come over and wreck your house. You should have just watched The Tick, instead.

Tuesday, Jan. 29: State of the Union Address (all damn channels, 7 p.m.) President Dubya denounces injustice perpetuated against The Tick!

Wednesday, Jan. 30: Glory Days (The WB, 8 p.m.) Girls are being kidnapped on Glory Island, but don’t ask The Tick for help—he’s dead!

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