Driving Home the Point 

05/19/06, 23:32, Domestic Assault/Off-Duty Officer Arrests Suspect, near 500 N. 1200 West

“Officers were called to a domestic assault, from which the suspect had already fled. An off-duty officer in his police car was in the area and stopped the suspect. [The 23-year-old male suspect] was arrested for domestic battery and domestic violence in the presence of a child.

This relatively mundane blotter item might be read a couple of ways: Either it’s a random example of why the City Council should vote down Mayor Rocky Anderson’s proposal to charge police officers another $25 for taking their squad cars home, a public service. Or it is a calculated example of why the City Council should vote down Anderson’s proposal to charge police officers another $25 for taking their squad cars home, a perk.

Ageism

05/18/06, 13:53, Injury Accident/Age-Involved, 1200 E. 100 South

“An 83-year-old male crashed his vehicle into the rear of another vehicle. Neither he nor his 82-year-old female passenger was restrained by a seatbelt. Both suffered critical injuries and were transported to a local hospital.

Interesting that a senior-caused auto accident is deemed “age-involved.” From experience and based on insurance premiums, you can bet your bippy teens and 20-somethings account for their own share of “age-involved” crashes. Perhaps it’s redundant to point out as much, what with young people to blame for most societal scourges.

Meter Martyr

05/17/06, 17:50, Threats/Interfering, near 600 S. Harmony Court

“Parking Enforcement wrote a ticket to a vehicle parked at the listed location. [The 43-year-old male suspect] noted the Parking Enforcement officer’s name on the parking ticket, went to the phone book and called the listing. He made several threats during that phone call. Police officers responded and arrested him for interfering.

While it’s never appropriate to threaten city workers for doing their jobs, it’s not a crime to sympathize with the denizen who gets nickel-and-dimed beyond reason and finally snaps. And yes, if the guy regularly parks in Salt Lake City, it’s a safe assumption he’s been nickel-and-dimed beyond reason. Fortunately, no one was hurt.

Officer Wordsmith

05/17/06, 21:21, Stabbing, 200 N. Redwood Road

The 40-year-old male suspect “and the victim were drinking at the [suspect’s] apartment when a dispute began over the [suspect’s] car being impounded while a third friend had been driving it. The [suspect] took offense at the victim’s opinion of the matter and stabbed the victim in the arm. The [suspect] was taken to jail for aggravated assault. The victim went to the hospital in fair condition.

The use of language'“took offense at the victim’s opinion of the matter”'seems as incongruous with the episode’s other elements. But for the drinking, the dispute over an impounded car and the stabbing, these gents could just as easily have been pondering the Exception Paradox which, incidentally, poses the imponderable: “If there is an exception to every rule, is there an exception to the rule that states that there is an exception to every rule?

Not One Red Cent

05/17/06, 01:48, Strong-Arm Robbery, near 200 S. 500 West

“The victim was approached by a group of males, one of whom asked if he had any money. When he told them he did not, he was beaten with fists and feet and relieved of what money he had on his person. The victim was able to direct officers to [the 24-year-old male suspect], who matched a witness’s description and had corresponding cash and coins in his possession. The [suspect] was taken to jail for robbery.”

So, not only did the victim deny he had any money, but he apparently had the denominations memorized to the penny.