Eight things Gov. Gary Herbert tells himself at bedtime:

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8. "I'm a special, special boy."
7. "Sharknado 5 ... they're totally going to call any day now."
6. "How's it pronounced? 'Wei ... n .... hol ... tz'? Whatever. Sounds foreign."
5. "Note: Have the interns write up a demand letter for Gary Weinholtz' birth certificate."
4. "Tomorrow's Taco Tuesday! Wheee! Wait ... it's only Monday. Dang it."
3. "There's no scary clown under the bed, there's no scary clown under the bed ..."
2. "Whoopsie-daisy! Well, that's what the rubber sheets are for. Jeanette!"
1. "The sooner Trump is elected, the sooner we all get to meet Jesus!"
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