Don’t Cluck With the Constitution 

Curses, Foiled Again
Authorities responding to a bank robbery in Daytona Beach, Fla., arrested suspects Randall Fredric Walker, 38, and Jason Warren Dietrich, 35, after their getaway vehicle ran out of gas while leaving the scene.

• A man wielding an ice pick entered Black Diamond Equipment in Salt Lake County, Utah, and demanded cash and precious metals. The Salt Lake Tribune reported that when the nightshift manager pointed out the company, despite its name, sells mountaineering gear, not diamonds or precious metals, the robber settled for some office computers and climbing equipment and left.

Non-Problem Solved
Intending to make street crossing safer, even though there have been no incidents, officials in Lemoyne, Pa., spent $250 to place plastic bins at two of the borough’s busiest intersections and fill them with bright orange flags. Signs direct pedestrians to take a flag, hold it while crossing the street, then deposit it in the opposite bin. The Patriot-News reported Dickinson College in Carlisle, Pa., tried a similar initiative but gave up after a year because, according to college official Christine Dugan, people kept taking the flags.

When Guns Are Outlawed
Authorities in Shelbyville, Tenn., reported that “a verbal altercation” between James Earl Taylor, 40, and Mary S. Childers, 44, led to an assault with Cheetos. According to the Shelbyville Times-Gazette, sheriff’s Cpl. Kevin Roddy charged both of them with domestic assault because he couldn’t determine the primary aggressor since the Cheetos left “no physical marks on either party.”

Tickets Gone Wild
When residents of Toledo, Ohio, complained they had received $25 parking tickets while their vehicles were in their driveways, Mayor Carty Finkbeiner defended the citations. He explained that city law forbids parking on unpaved surfaces, including gravel driveways. Finkbeiner, who’s already facing a recall vote, refused to say whether the fines were related to the city’s budget crisis.

After receiving and contesting 170 citations since 1997 for violations he didn’t commit, Tom Feddor finally went to the Chicago Department of Revenue and the Department of Administrative Hearings for help. He told The Chicago Tribune that hearing officer Zipporah Lewis made several calls to officials on his behalf, but “the people she encountered at the other end of the phone seemed to be annoyed and bothered by her. Most tried to quickly end the call.” Finally, authorities discovered that the number the Revenue Department has been using as a placeholder license plate for testing its parking-ticket equipment is the same as Feddor’s actual license plate: 0. Feddor said his family has been using it for 40 years, but officials were unaware it was in circulation. “The test violations should have been dismissed in the database,” Revenue Department official Ed Walsh said, adding that any fines Feddor paid would be refunded.

Don’t Cluck With the Constitution
When John Vorderbrueggen, 39, complained to his neighborhood homeowners association in Monroe, Wash., because his neighbor, Helen Immelt, 52, was violating the association’s covenant by keeping chickens in her yard, she began driving by Vorderbrueggen’s house in the early morning hours and honking her horn. The Seattle Times reported that when police asked Immelt to stop, she “became heated,” according to court documents, and when the officer went to get a statement from Vorderbrueggen, Immelt drove by and gave “three long blasts” on her car horn, prompting her arrest. A jury convicted her, but she appealed, arguing before the Washington Court of Appeals that the noise ordinance was “vague, over-broad and interfered with her right to free speech.” The court disagreed.

Second-Amendment Follies
Jamiyl Muhammad, 17, was part of a group of youths fighting with a rival group in Upper Darby, Pa., when he began pistol-whipping a member of the opposing group in the head with a black handgun. Witnesses told police the gun went off, and a bullet struck Muhammad’s 19-year-old brother, who was standing 25 yards away observing the fight. The brother was treated at the hospital and released.

Compiled from the nation’s press by Roland Sweet. Submit items, citing date and source, to P.O. Box 8130, Alexandria VA 22306.

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