Dirty Words 

What’s a word you can’t stand to say and have to substitute with a euphemism?

Scott Renshaw: Ooh, it makes me feel so poopy-doody when people ask fetching questions like that.

Kolbie Stonehocker: I know fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself, but I still say He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to be on the safe side.

Rachel Scott: I only use dysphemisms.

Alissa Wells: I could fill the entire staff box column with words I hate to hear and hate to say. 1. Nipple. I use n-word, Norton. 2. Crotch. I don’t replace it with anything because I don’t speak of that region. 3. Kumquat. There has to be another word for that. Seriously.

Joseph Childs: I used to say “Got down sat on a bench” instead of “God damn son of a bitch.” But now it only comes out in front of the parents.

Jerre Wroble: It’s hard to say “I got fired.” Some go with displacement and violence themes: “Lost my job” and “Got the axe/boot.” Or pretend both sides wanted it: “Mutual separation.” I like, “Is that a severance check? If so, the Eat, Pray, Love world tour starts now.”

Nick Morgan: The word “moist.” I don’t know why. But, God, just typing it out makes me cringe. Things are wet or dry; there is no in between.

Margaux Lodge: There’s the obvious: vagina or penis. I typically refer to either as one of the following: junk, naughty bits, cookies, treats or “pink parts.” I might call a penis a “wang,” “the suspect” or a “man-flower.” My husband likes to call a vagina "meat curtains"or a "meat wallet." But I'm not sure if that's because he's uncomfortable saying the other word or not. My sister's mother-in-law can't say the word "fart." She calls it a "boom." Seriously.

Rachel Piper: Why say that nasty other word when you can say “shit”? I also hate the romance-novel-esque word “breasts,” unless it’s used in the context of my chicken dinner. There are no good euphemisms for that word.

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