Death Watch '09 | True TV | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

Death Watch '09 

What’s gone, what will live on, and other speculations.

Pin It
Favorite
click to enlarge art7923widea.jpg

In May, the four major broadcast networks, and the one with Gossip Girl, will announce their fall lineups—which, only by omission, will reveal what they’ve canceled. The Only TV Column That Matters™ is going out on a limb with this mash-up of already-reported facts and pure speculation as to what will happen in the next few weeks:

ABC
Already renewed: Brothers & Sisters, Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy, Lost, Private Practice and Ugly Betty. Blecch. Only Lost and Ugly Betty are remotely tolerable here; the rest are just soap operas for the interminably stupid—apparently, ABC’s core audience. Hence …

Dead: Boston Legal, Dirty Sexy Money, Eli Stone, Life on Mars and Pushing Daisies. With the exception of Eli Stone (don’t e-mail, just accept it), these all deserved better. Life on Mars in particular deserved a better ending than a forced “it was all a dream” rush job—on Mars! Will Pushing Daisies go out as literally?

Circling the drain: According to Jim, Better Off Ted, Castle, Cupid, In the Motherhood, Samantha Who?, Scrubs, Surviving Suburbia and The Unusuals. You haven’t seen any of them, so move along …

CBS
Already renewed: The Big Bang Theory, CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI:NY, Flashpoint, Ghost Whisperer, How I Met Your Mother, The Mentalist, NCIS, Numb3rs, Survivor and Two & a Half Men. The only sorta-surprise here is Flashpoint, a cheap-o Canadian import seemingly tailored to those who can’t follow the subtle nuances of NCIS. Or Sudoku.

Dead:  Eleventh Hour, The Ex List and Worst Week. Uh … look ’em up.

Circling the drain: Cold Case, Gary Unmarried, The New Adventures of Old Christine, Rules of Engagement, The Unit and Without a Trace. CBS is so ratings-fat, they can toss away even successful shows—Without a Trace alone pulls more viewers then The CW network has had in its entire existence, and The Unit is a turgid, throbbing tent pole on Sundays … but only for an hour.

NBC
Already renewed: Friday Night Lights, Heroes, Law & Order, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, The Office and 30 Rock. Swell— but imagine SVU without Mariska Hargitay and Christopher Meloni, as their expensive contracts are still pending. I say just replace ’em with Damian Lewis and Sarah Shahi of Life, NBC.

Dead: Crusoe, ER, Kath & Kim, Knight Rider, Kings, Life, Lipstick Jungle and My Own Worst Enemy. Did I mention that Damian Lewis and Sarah Shahi of Life need work?

Circling the drain: Chuck, Medium, My Name is Earl, Parks & Recreation and Southland. With the exception of Earl, these are all near-locks to be picked up—Jay Leno can’t carry the entire damned schedule. My Name is Earl, however, could possibly move to …

Fox
Already renewed: American Dad, American Idol, Bones, Family Guy, House, Fringe, Lie to Me, The Simpsons, ‘Til Death and 24. That’s right—‘Til Death! Seriously!

Dead: Do Not Disturb, Dollhouse, King of the Hill, Prison Break and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Hey, at least you have that ‘Til Death/My Name is Earl block to look forward to.

Circling the drain: Sit Down, Shut Up. Proving that America won’t accept a new animated series unless it’s 12 minutes long and scheduled at 2 a.m. between Family Guy reruns. It also helps if it doesn’t completely suck ass; weed can only help so much.

The CW
Already renewed: Gossip Girl, 90210, One Tree Hill, Privileged, Smallville and Supernatural. Thus ensuring at least one more season to circulate that “Get Supernatural on a Real Network” petition.

Dead: Everybody Hates Chris, The Game and Reaper. Just cross out Reaper and fill in Supernatural on your other petition.

Pin It
Favorite

Speaking of...

More by Bill Frost

  • What a Drag

    RuPaul's Drag Race returns to make America great again; Harlots hooks historically.
    • Mar 22, 2017
  • Thumb This

    Eight review systems considered to replace Netflix’s 5-star ratings besides Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down.
    • Mar 22, 2017
  • Ham Fist

    Marvel's Iron Fist packs little punch; Into the Badlands delivers the kung-fu action.
    • Mar 15, 2017
  • More »

Latest in True TV

  • What a Drag

    RuPaul's Drag Race returns to make America great again; Harlots hooks historically.
    • Mar 22, 2017
  • Ham Fist

    Marvel's Iron Fist packs little punch; Into the Badlands delivers the kung-fu action.
    • Mar 15, 2017
  • Couples, Retreat

    Love returns for another shot at commitment; Trial & Error is only the latter.
    • Mar 8, 2017
  • More »

Comments

Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

© 2017 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation