Circumventing the Convention 

Nine things surprisingly missing from the DNC:

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9. Bernie Sanders’ perfectly timed “wardrobe malfunction.”
8. Michelle Obama coming clean about President Obama’s college nickname, “O’Bummer.”
7. Protests being protested by even more protesters.
6. Another leak disturbing convention-goers (this one going from the bathroom to the buffet).
5. Bill Clinton getting in trouble for asking guests if they want to blow on his sax.
4. Debbie Wasserman Schultz having her mask pulled off on live TV to reveal she’s actually a Scooby-Doo villain.
3. A Wikileaks story on how the convention is a hotspot for rare Pokémon only available to people with no moral compass.
2. BuzzFeed News polling DNC-goers on whose side they’re on in the TSwift/Kimye feud.
1. A worldwide spike in pantsuit sales.
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