Nine candidates the GOP would prefer over Donald Trump at this point:
A dried-up ham sandwich found on the sidewalk.
Sarah Palin, with the promise that she'll never go off-script.
Obama Pt. 3.
Parole videos of Charles Manson.
YouTube clips of people coming out of anesthesia.
A 40-foot-tall Minion plush.
Two kids in a trench coat.
Randy "Macho Man" Savage from 1987.
"Hey, you! Naked stranger hiding in the bushes. Yeah, you, what's your name? Wanna be our candidate?"