POSTED // Nov 21,2007 - Secular humanists hate Christmas a lot; If you celebrate Christmas, you’re sure to get shot. Don’t hang decorations and don’t deck the halls. The secular humanists will cut off your balls! The atheists hate Baby Jesus; the gays Refuse...

POSTED // Nov 14,2007 - Playtime was subdued, quiet time was unusually quiet and punch-and-cookie time conversation at nursery schools across the valley was focused on just one thing: News that a Utah toddler had been hospitalized after an overdose of Aqua Dots. The sticky...

POSTED // Oct 24,2007 - Utah is brimming with corporate goodwill this week now that Procter & Gamble has agreed to help eliminate some problems Box Elder County has with unsightly foliage and wildlife. For $85 million of corporate welfare, the asswipe giant agreed to obscure...

POSTED // Oct 24,2007 - We asked equipment technician Tracy Johnson: Why is Halloween still so popular despite efforts to stamp it out?

POSTED // Oct 17,2007 - The case of disgraced Republican Sen. Larry “Not Gay” Craig (whose efforts to avoid political annihilation were thwarted by a Minnesota judge who thought Craig’s petition to change his plea from guilty to innocent might have been just...

POSTED // Oct 10,2007 - The stars are out again in Utah—or at least Lindsay Lohan is. America’s Darling warmed Utah hearts by choosing our state, out of all 50, to serve her DUI rehab over the summer. (Ordinary mortals get a year in jail and have to stay where they’re...

POSTED // Oct 3,2007 - Nutritionists have long extolled the virtues of Omega-3 fatty acids found in fish oil. One recent study even suggests that a diet high in fish may help combat depression. And wasabi combats the intestinal parasites that are ready to invade your intestines...

POSTED // Oct 3,2007 - After performing as a mime for three years at Sea World in San Diego, Alan Ware—aka “Grampa” Clown—went on to study the art under mime legend Marcel Marceau. Ware graduated from Clown College in 1996 and has performed with the...

POSTED // Sep 26,2007 - Even though the Utah Department of Health modified its swimming restrictions this week for children less than 5 years old, it’s still against the rules to dip diaper-clad babies into swimming pools. This came as a harsh blow to bad parents who,...

POSTED // Sep 19,2007 - Apparently, there’s a golden window of time in the life of an LDS man after he’s been a gawky, pimple-faced missionary with a Mr. Mac suit, but before he’s become a Republican business ’droid with six Mr. Mac suits. The folks...