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Home » Articles »   By D.P. Sorensen
 

Deep End

Everybody Hates Mitt

Romney's diary reveals isolation

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Mar 13,2013 - The notebook arrived in the mail in a padded envelope, accompanied by a cryptic message scribbled on a torn piece of yellow paper.

Deep End

Pope Envy

The Prophet fantasizes quitting holy post

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Mar 6,2013 - This is no job for old men, thinks the Prophet, as he watches another old man, almost exactly the same age, actually, rise into the sky in his white helicopter.

Deep End

The Future Is Now

Utah legislators prepared for any outcome

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Feb 27,2013 - People have the wrong idea about the Utah Legislature. It is commonly thought that our legislators are an embarrassing gaggle of nincompoops.

Deep End

Crappy Trip

CNN wrings tragedy out of cruise debacle

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Feb 20,2013 - “You can smell the ship,” said Errin Something or Other, the CNN news hostess, wrinkling her longish nose in disgust.

Deep End

Gay Old Time

Founder of the Boy Scouts may have been a closeted homosexual.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Feb 13,2013 - With much of the discussion about allowing gay boys and men into the Boy Scouts now centering on the delectable irony of the Boy Scout founder, Lord Robert Stephensen Smyth Baden-Powell, being himself both a gay boy and a gay men, we thought it would be useful to go right to the horse’s mouth, as it were, and have a chat with a grand-nephew twice-removed of the great Boy Scout founder.

Deep End

Glazed & Confused

Swallow's sugar high clouded his judgment

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Feb 6,2013 - Highly placed sources have confirmed that embattled Utah Attorney General John Swallow plans to use the controversial “Krispy Kreme defense” to fight charges of bribery in the notorious Jeremy Johnson case.

Deep End

Fake It Till You Make It

Injury timeouts prevent uncomfortable situations

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Jan 30,2013 - It has now been decided that “injury timeouts,” for many years a key feature of professional tennis, will be extended to all walks of life.

Deep End

The Invisible Girlfriend

Miss Kekua defends relationship with Te’o

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Jan 23,2013 - I almost didn’t pick up the call, but I’m glad I did. “Mr. Deep End?” The female voice was a bit breathy, reminiscent of Marilyn Monroe in her prime.

Deep End

Is That a Gun in Your Pocket?

Gun nuts prepare to stick it to Obama

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Jan 16,2013 - No one appreciates their guns like the sovereign citizens of Utah, and already, plans are being made by gun lovers to show their gun love in a variety of venues throughout the Beehive State.

Deep End

End of a Hard Road

Street names naughtier than Morning Glory Road

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Jan 9,2013 - At first, I thought the article in last week’s paper was a put-on (not to be confused with a hard-on), some sort of early April Fool’s joke that had made its way into print on a slow news day.
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