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Home » Articles »   By D.P. Sorensen
 

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Play Through

Shurtleff & Swallow skirt laws of golf/life

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // May 22,2013 - Mark Shurtleff and his manservant John Swallow are giving golfers a bad name. You’ve been reading about how the two distinguished public officials enjoyed lavish weekends at a posh golf resort ...

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Reinventing the Wheel

Becker rolls out plans for rickshaw fleet

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // May 15,2013 - Mayor Ralph Becker has a bold new plan to regain the widespread popular support he’s squandered the past couple of years with various boneheaded projects ...

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Hot Athlete Action

Locker rooms not dens of homosexual sin

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // May 8,2013 - The statuesque young tennis player was ironing her clothes in the nude. Tennis legend and noted lesbian Martina Navratilova told her to go get a towel or put on a robe.

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Presidential All-Stars

Sports expert ranks POTUS draft picks

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // May 1,2013 - Last week, the five members of the most exclusive club in the universe, Living Presidents, assembled to celebrate the over-the-top shrine to the most embarrassing person ever to occupy the White House.

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Somebody's Watching Me

The government is tracking us

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Apr 24,2013 - A long time ago on a campus not that far away, we would sometimes catch a glimpse of a slight, bespectacled fellow going from building to building ...

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Where Is My Mind?

Bad behavior from Boyd K. Packer's brain

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Apr 17,2013 - I am but a simple scribe, just one amongst a host of scribes who toil anonymously deep in the bowels of the Ministry of Truth.

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No Blood, No Foul

Violent coaches are just in it to win it

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Apr 10,2013 - By now, everyone has seen the video of the crazy coach from Rutgers zinging basketballs at his players’ heads, administering forearm shivers ...

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Between the Toes

Pope Francis loves to wash girls' feet

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Apr 3,2013 - Although the special costume theme was corsets at the immensely popular Fetish Ball, held on the night before Easter, a large number of fetishists came attired in papal regalia ...

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They Don't Have a Prayer

Gals praying in Conference is road to ruin

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Mar 27,2013 - Everybody thinks the Brethren were pressured into letting an LDS lady get up and give a prayer at Conference this April.

Deep End

Papa Jorge

New laid-back pope checks out SLC

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Mar 20,2013 - As soon as he got on the bus just outside the Smith’s on 2100 South, I knew he was the new pope: Papa Francesco, formerly Jorge Mario Bergoglio.
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