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Home » Articles »   By D.P. Sorensen
 

Deep End

No Deep End?

Nom de Paw: Mysterious D.P. Sorensen missing since April 1.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Apr 7,2010 - Call me Aldeni. That's not my real name, at least in a nominal sense, but it will do for now. What you need to know is that I am not "D.P. Sorensen," whoever he is. There is, however,...

Deep End

LDS Church acquires City Weekly

Church calls it a faith-promoting opportunity

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Mar 31,2010 - When news of the pending City Weekly sale reached my desk, I realized this might be my last chance to write for the paper.

Deep End

History of Mormons and the Media

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Mar 31,2010 - Form its earliest days, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has understood the importance of the various media, whether newspapers, telegraph...

Deep End

Murder on the Hogle Express

Suspicious zoo deaths linked to violent orangutan.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Mar 24,2010 - Officials at Hogle Zoo, under fire for the skyrocketing mortality rates for their animal inmates, announced that a Bornean orangutan named Talukan...

Deep End

There's the Rub

Garn in undeserved hot water after getting soaked.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Mar 17,2010 - The Nude Hot-Tubbing Association of America announced yesterday that it had hired disgraced Utah House Majority Leader Kevin Garn as its new national spokesman ...

Deep End

Aqua Velva Man

Success means never having to say you’re sorry.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Mar 10,2010 - “How’d I do?” he asked, mopping his brow with a super-absorbent Brawny paper towel. He had just endured 15 minutes with Letterman, and it wasn’t pretty ...

Deep End

Technicolor Screams

When cell-phone distracted drivers and spandex collide.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Mar 3,2010 - One of the pleasures of walking my dog along Wasatch Drive, just above the mortuary, is imagining the mayhem that would result from a motor vehicle scattering the colorfully clad spandex bicyclists ...

Deep End

Choose the Upright Position

Mit saves the world, one derelict passenger at a time.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Feb 24,2010 - My old missionary companion Mit Romney is a bit of a fussbudget, so none of his close friends were surprised by the recent airplane incident, which I witnessed.

Deep End

Call of Nature

Lawmakers defend Utah’s freedom from meddling, clothes-wearing feds.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Feb 17,2010 - Yesterday, the Utah Legislature, voting along party lines, approved a measure that will return Utah to a state of nature.

Deep End

Idiocracy

Legislators embrace their intellectual failings.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Feb 10,2010 - "Everyone knows we have the dumbest Legislature in the land," said Herb Swander, the man who came up with the idea to raise the IQ level in the Utah Legislature.
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