Bonnie & Clyde
The Sound of Music Live!
Sunday, Dec. 8 (ABC Family)
Movie: Think you’ve seen every possible variation on the Workaholic City Girl Learns the True Meaning of Love, Christmas and Wearing a Simple, Off-the-Rack Sweater holiday movie? You have, and here’s another: Corporate business lady Melody (Jennie Garth) would rather spend Christmas jet-setting and cocktailing, but instead is sent back to her quaint hometown to sell the quaint townsfolk on a new big-box store, much to the disapproval of her quaint, estranged family and quaint, hunky ex-boyfriend (Cameron Mathison). No sooner than you can say “Merry Christmas, movie house!”, Melody hits her head and finds herself in an alternate reality, where she stayed in her quaint hometown/tax bracket and married Mr. Hunky! Will she awaken from her gender-repressed nightmare coma, build that MegaMart and return to her swinging-single lifestyle? Maybe in the sequel, Holidaze 2: Escape From Quaintsville.
The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show
Tuesday, Dec. 10 (CBS)
Special: Like you, The Only TV Column That Matters™ watches the annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show strictly for the top-notch musical guests; this year’s being Fall Out Boy, A Great Big World, Neon Jungle and mysterious recluse Taylor Swift. CBS can try and cheapen this celebration of timeless music (have you heard Neon Jungle’s “Trouble”? It’s like Icona Pop without the overwrought intellectualism—refreshing) with bouncing breasts, pouty lips and underwear designed for women who only exist in porn and comic books, but it’s really about the music. Recognize.
Sons of Anarchy
Tuesday, Dec. 10 (FX)
Season Finale: Twelve super-size episodes and one inexplicable Thanksgiving-week break later (WT, FX?), the finale of the most turbulent Sons of Anarchy season yet is upon us—but what’s left to happen? Must be time for True TV’s ever-futile SOA predictions: At least one more SAMCRO member is going to die, Jax’s master plan will fall apart, Gemma’s going to lose another man (so long, Jimmy Smits), Charming is going to lose another D.A. (adios, CCH Pounder), and more musical montages are a-comin.’ You should be a-comin’ to Brewvies Cinema Pub (677 S. 200 West; 21+) to watch the Sons of Anarchy Season 6 finale on the movie screen Dec. 10 at 8 p.m.