Blotter Fodder 

Maybe flame-grilled burgers are just too tasty for the public good. This week’s installment of whoppers culled from Salt Lake City Police reports features not one, but two, incidents of miscreants who will go to any length to obtain a burger their way'even if it means a night in the pokey. Also: a suggestion that tacos may also be a menace to society, a guy doing his best imitation of The Fugitive, and a crime “victim” who might not be telling police everything. His story begins normally'guy meets girl, takes girl home, gets punched in face, has suitcase full of cash stolen … Wait. What was that last part?

The Fugitive
n10/22/06, 16:32
nOfficers attempted to serve a warrant for possession of drug paraphernalia at a Redwood Road address, but the wanted man was too clever'at least, he thought he was. With cops out front, he ran out the back door and jumped into the Jordan River, swimming to the other side'but not, alas, to safety. Officers pursued on foot and caught the man who was booked on the original charge and additionally for fleeing and animal cruelty'the last charge for kicking a 3 1/2 month-old puppy during the chase.

Burger Bomb
n10/23/06, 21:21
nA would-be Burger King customer ended up eating jail food after he overreacted to being denied a meal. The man attempted to get served at the drive-thru window but was refused'because he wasn’t in a car. First he began beating the glass, then he walked to a pay phone'in plain sight of restaurant staff'and telephoned in a bomb threat against the restaurant. A SWAT officer located the man minutes later on West Temple.

Burger Bust
n10/24/06, 15:36
nThrown in the joint for strong-arm robbery'of a sandwich. That fate faces one member of a crew of would-be sandwich thieves who attempted a variety of methods, none successful, to get a free meal. The scene was a truck-stop Burger King. Two of the crew purchased a sandwich with a stolen credit card, while a third concealed a sandwich and attempted to exit the store. Spotted by security, he escaped by assaulting a customer'but not for long. The sandwich thief returned a few minutes later in different clothing, inquired what all the fuss was about and was immediately arrested with his co-conspirators.

With Friends Like These
n10/26/06, 1:50
nAn invitation for a woman to spend the night didn’t turn out the way one 300 West resident initially planned. The man told police he’d invited a female “friend” to his room for the night and, a few hours later, heard a knock on the door. When he answered, another man was in the doorway. The new man punched the victim in the face, then grabbed the victim’s briefcase containing cash. Adding insult to injury, the man from the doorway also took the female “friend” before running from the room. The victim was unable to give police descriptions, either of the man who hit him, or his female “friend.nn

Taco Trouble
n10/29/06, 9:00
nA hankering for a taco allegedly came back to bite a man who made an impulse decision to stop at a 200 South roadside taco stand. The victim told police a somewhat implausible tale that began when he pulled over to make his taco purchase. A man with a gun entered his car and ordered him to drive to a carwash. At the carwash, he said he was ordered into the trunk, where he remained for 48 hours while his kidnapper drove around town. The car was discovered parked on a sidewalk near a TRAX station.