Big news in sci-fi-ish TV for 2010: ABC's Lost kicks off its final season on Tuesday, Feb. 2 (note new night), and near-canceled Chuck returns to NBC in January--two months earlier than previously scheduled. Unfortunately, it won't be replacing Heroes.

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Sarah Palin isn't the only reprehensible idiot out pushing a book this week: As blogged previously, Spencer & Heidi Pratt also have a genius literary tome to sell. Suddenly, Palin doesn't seem so bad.

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It's been a short, strange trip from the September CW premiere of America's Next Top Model: Battle of the Bite-Sized; now it's down to virtually identical mini-models Laura and Nicole. But what happened to the shortest and strangest of all the contestants, Amber?

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It's a banner week--hell, day--for stupid shit. Is the ultimate fulfillment of Idiocracy upon us?

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When last we left Dethklok, manager Charles F. Ofdensen had been killed defending the band from the Revengencers, and headquarters Mordhaus was left in ruins. Solution? Rock, reorganization and renovation! And DoritoLand.

Season 3 of Adult Swim's Metalocalypse opens with a glimpse into Dethklok's past, as they're signing their first record deal (Where's Toki? Who's the guy with the beard?). Back in the present, the band tries to hold it together without Charles, splitting the business duties between the members (everyone's in charge of finances--except Toki, who's on "snacks"). Despite an economy in the toilet, Dethklok is giving Mordhaus a multi-billion-dollar makeover and launching the World's Most Expensive Tour (at least since The Eagles), because "There's no recession for metal--the economy is an asshole!"

All this and more on the season premiere of Metalocalypse, tonight on Adult Swim--a preview:

Are your Fox "Animation Domination" Sunday nights blurring into one big Seth McClusterfuck?

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After the ol' True TV column was laid to rest for the week, ABC up and killed Eastwick and Hank (two Worst picks), and Fox shut down Dollhouse (which we all saw coming). The Jay Leno Show zombie, however, still roams the earth ...

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Tired of being ostracized by the cool basic-cable crowd because you've never watched the critically-bukkaked Mad Men, which just wrapped its third season on AMC Sunday? Help is here, TV plebian!

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Ever watched Gossip Girl? Probably not--until the Parents Television Council warned you not to, anyway. Tonight, the lame teen soap opera features a three-way sex scene (which, by network standards, will probably last three blurry seconds before fading into a makeup commercial) between a trio of the show's characters ... whoever the hell they are.

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It's one of the Top 9 shows you should be watching right damn now, as featured in this week's True TV column and podcast, and it's on tonight! How's that for convenience?

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