kids! Put down those video games and iPod’s for a sec. It’s
stroytime! Courtesy of your Uncle Gavin and his book Gavin’s
Underground Adventures! It’s like The Wizard of Oz
series, only with less poverty references.
Gavin: Come on in here Billy. Hop up on my lap. HMPH! You know what Billy, how about you take a seat on the floor. Uhhhhgh. When we’re done here, you’re taking a lap around Pioneer Park. No seven year-old should weigh over 100.
Billy: Uncle Gavin, why do I have to sit here and listen to you talk about your long nights?
Gavin: Because school’s out and your mom is too cheap to pay for a summer program. Let’s get started, shall we? Today’s story… “The Warehouse Show That Sorta Was.”
Gavin: One day Gavin was pondering over what he was going to do for Sunday’s posting. Looking over most of the shows and weighing his options, he wanted to do something different this time around. Unsure of what he was going to do he placed many phone calls throughout the day until he got a hold of the one and only Eric James of the local funk sensation Funk & Gonzo! He told Gavin about an amazing warehouse show that was happening in an area that will have to remain undisclosed.
Billy: So he gave you a golden ticket?
Gavin: If by “golden” you mean “private”, and by “ticket” you mean “location”, then yes.
Billy: Why is it being done at a warehouse?
Gavin: Because sometimes a venue is just too confining.
Billy: You mean strict?
Gavin: Now’s not the time for details, Billy.
Gavin: That Friday, Gavin made his way out to the location, around 10PM. The walk to the show took him back to a decade ago when he used to do this as a teen. Finding that show in the middle of no where to hear three bands who all sound like Disturbed covering Metallica while looking like Pearl Jam. And when you get there you find the opening act is a lone solo artist who happens to be the girlfriend of the guy who owns the place. And you really have to ask yourself “I paid $8 to see this?” But I digress… This was not the case tonight! Gavin was on his way to see such fantastic acts as Funk & Gonzo, Devine Write, Spearit, Padrino, and DJ Alkaline.
Billy: Who are they?
Gavin: Local bands.
Billy: Who cares about local bands?
Gavin: Billy, what do you listen to?
Billy: My Chemical Romance.
Gavin: …(sigh)… Later today, I’m duct taping you to a chair and you’re going to listen to Nirvana’s In Utero. We’ll see how badly you wanna go marching in the black parade after that.
Gavin: Upon arriving, Gavin got the usual meet-and-greet from the crowd. Some knew him from previous encounters; others wondered what the long-haired freak was doing there with a camera. But overall everyone was pretty friendly and up for a night of music.
Billy: Just music?
Gavin: Billy, you are of no age to ask me that question.
Billy: That’s not a “no.”
Gavin: Moving on. Gavin chatted with Funk & Gonzo and Devine Write. Padrino hadn’t shown up yet, no one knew why. And Spearit were all chilling in a trailer far, far away from the crowd for some unknown reason. The usual discussions open up. Radio sucks, liquor laws suck, The Used suck, quoting “SLC Punk”, a story about someone you don’t know but you suddenly have an interest in because it involves them stealing avocados, and then wondering what you’re doing after the show.
Billy: Is this really what adults do at these shows?
Gavin: …I’m leaving large chunks out, but yeah.
Billy: No wonder mom says you’ll always be single.
Gavin: Finally, Funk & Gonzo took the stage, and tore it up! The benefit to a warehouse show is that there is no real time limit or content restrictions. The bands are free to play whatever they want at whatever speed for a good hour at least. And they held the crowd. If this was a sign of things to come, this show was going to be one of the best of the year for Gavin.
Billy: He looks like he's having a seizure.
Gavin: That’s called getting in the groove of the music. Enjoying yourself.
Billy: Looks more like a spasm attack.
Gavin: Alright, remember this when you hit your 20’s and you start moving around to the offbeat drum in your head.
Gavin: Next up was Devine Write, one of those bands that you hear a lot about, but people can’t come up with an accurate description of what they sound like. A band you have to “experience.” Sadly, all Gavin really got to hear was the sound check. Because in standard Utah fashion, local police broke up the show before midnight.
Billy: Why did they do that, Uncle Gavin?
Gavin: It’s a game cops play called “Killing Time.” Thankfully they weren’t playing their other fun game… “Filling Quota.”
Billy: Sounds like the show was a bust.
Gavin: Yes Billy, yes it was. But there’s a moral to this story.
Billy: Which is?
Gavin: When the people running the show tell you to get inside so the police can’t see you, you get inside and deal with the temperature change. Take your smoke break later, text instead of call, dress light next time. Overall, make sure you’re not seen.
Billy: So the real moral is “Check yo ears and give no woe, or 5-0 come to bust yo show.”
Gavin: Fo sho!
Billy: ...That’s a stupid story, Uncle Gavin.
Gavin: Fine, storytime is over! Go get your jogging shoes on, I gotta spray Lysol where you just sat. And for the rest of you kids, it’s festival week here on the blog. Interviews are coming for The Dark Arts Festival and Pride 2008!