Best Spam E-Mail Ever

Today, City Weekly was one of just 17 lucky recipients (including Fox News, Dateline NBC and Al Jazeera) of an e-mail with the tantalizing subject line "I will be charging a fee for the priviledge to talk to me." What follows is likely the best spam e-mail of all time.

I’d like the majority of my pay in advance 23 million to be wired to the Country of Finland (location may change and do not forward until I am approved by the h government of Finland) for my safe keeping. I will be keeping 4 million here in America.

April 2, 2012

I will be courting NFL coaching prospects with any team on the West to Mid West Coast. And I am serious about coaching and not just a coordinator, VP or President.

I will be charging a fee for the priviledge to talk to me about a coaching prospect, fee is optional although I’d be very considerate.

Item #1

1 Custom New MotorHome converted into washing machines & dryers, like in that Tide commercial. Parked at the Church in Chatsworth.

Item #2

A 4 year lease on a 5,000 sqft office/warehouse and if possible a yard in Reseda, next to the Korean Church where they give free food. Use of office space to be determined. I’m thinking of having a carpentry shop for our Church use only. With Utilites bills prepaid.

Item #3

Leases on brand 8 new Hydundai SUV because I can’t buy used (Embargo) with warranties. For church/Personal Security/family use.

Item #4

A 49% stake on the The Mission Hills Bowling Alley. Later I can do some upgrades when I have some money. And there’s a food eatery I can dine there.

Item #5

A couple of race horses (1 Arabic & 1 American) with horse stalls at ZZYZX Church on the border of California/Nevada.

Item #6

Horse trainer & Horse food for 4 years

Item #7

A 4 year lease on a 7,500 sqft office/warehouse and if possible a yard in San Fransico or Sacramento. Use of office space to be determined. I’m thinking of running a Hostel.

Item #8

Franchise "Dollar Store" in San Fernando on the corner of Brand & Truman St.

Item #9

For my niece Jeanette. Oregan or Northern California land somewhere near the Coast, home may or may not be included.

My rate for Coach is 9 million per year on a 3 year contract. Some as I can start is in late June and I will need at least 2 co-coaches (one of them is Ms. Carano), they may negotiate for themselves.

Now what can you expect of me as a Coach and under surveillance. Is that I will be there on the weekends, I want to run a Church on the weekdays, so I can’t commit myself to the weekdays

Although my objective still remains to win.

And when and if I sign a contract I will be in need of food, beverages, housing and peace & serenity. I’d be asking for a 5 year lease on a home and a location of my choosing, 2 body guards, 1 Media member and 2 attorneys.

Teams I’d consider:

49ers

Chargers

Cardinals

Broncos

Cowboys

Packers

Titans

Colts

Vikings

Well, what are you waiting for?