Shinedown hasn't released a new album since 2008. See, America, there IS something to be thankful for during the Great Recession.
I know that calling attention to Shinedown risks giving them encouragement to release more dreadful songs, but this music video is too bad to pass up. (Shinedown might be even worse than Nickelback, but it's too close to call. My dream James Bond movie: Setting explosives at the Gathering of the Juggalos while Nickelback and Shinedown are onstage, killing all juggalos and musical acts except George Clinton and Ice Cube.)
Items of Note:
• You thought Professor Snape was creepy in a wizard’s cloak? Professor Snape in a leather jacket stalking a teenage girl really takes it to a new level.
• Snape’s over-acting of his solo scenes is a thing of beauty. He clenches his arms and rocks his body around as though he’s working out on an invisible Bowflex. He acts out the lyrics like a chubby untrained mime. “This is my ONE AND ONLY chance” (holds up one finger and waves it around) “Even the man in the MOON disappears” (holds up his hands against the the sunlit sky as though there’s a blinding moon there). The only thing missing here is a wind machine, which Shinedown thankfully discovers in later videos.
• Scary dad is way too good for this video. His bulging eyes deserve a better vehicle, maybe as a murderer on CSI or a rapist on Law & Order.
• Maybe it’s my lack of culture talking, or maybe her talents
aren’t displayed well in a 6-by-6 garage, but this girl’s ballet moves are not
that impressive. Yeah, so the fish yard isn’t exactly taking her anywhere,
but surely a job at a coffee shop is a more attainable step up in the world?
• Love that the parents make no move to go after the girl and just hug their other kid as if to say, “Phew! At least the boy is still here. One out of two ain’t bad.”
• Tip: If you ever get on a bus and see that the only other passengers are the members of Shinedown, run back to your emotionally abusive parents as fast as you can.
• Trivia: Searching in Google for an image to accompany this blog yielded more than a few Lion King images. Apparently this song's sentiment goes over well with die-hard fans of The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride, who listen to it while creating glittery fan art and writing fan fiction.