Now that the Republicans in the Legislature have succeeded in forcing through a ridiculously gerrymandered congressional map, we voters in Salt Lake County can look forward to 10 years of nonrepresentation as our votes are systematically canceled out by hordes of yokels living in the sticks.
You see, for some reason, it's important -- very, very important -- that every Utahn in the United States Congress represent both rural and urban interests. That's why the new congressional map splits Salt Lake County up into three segments, each combined with vast swaths of farmland and desolate arid regions -- it makes governing easier like that, when you can spend most of your time dealing with the burning issues of Juab and Sanpete counties (they just want more guns and fewer gays), while ignoring anything that has to do with the lives of the 1 million people who live in the most populous county (you know what they want: more drugs, prostitution, pornography, abortions and gays marrying socialist goats; that sort of thing.)
Still, if a bunch of yahoos from the hinterlands are going to be making decisions that directly impact our lives, it's only fair that we have the opportunity to do them the same favor. Sure, they'll outvote us on representation -- democracy is broken -- but the cities have more money, more education and more technological savvy. How hard would it be for us to form some pressure groups allowing us to chime in on -- oh, I don't know -- the types of fertilizer those farmers are allowed to use? Or, say, wilderness legislation outlawing the use of ATVs?
In fact, wouldn't it be a good idea to turn all Utah farmlands into organic, vegan, fair-wage operations? Of course, it would. And, since we're all in this together, of course, we would have the perfect right to do whatever is in our power to make that a reality.
Or at least to do whatever we can to piss off the country-fried assholes who are so richly overrepresented in today's screwed-up, anti-American political climate.