Craft Wars (TLC) Series Debut: Signaling the possible transition of the “C” in TLC from cakes to crafts, Tori Spelling hosts the ominously titled new Craft Wars—it’s like Top Chef with glue guns and a host who’s not quite as hot as Padma Lakshmi’s left foot. Upside: No toddlers, polygamists or egregious Italian stereotypes.
Retired at 35 (TV Land) Season Premiere: Of all the truly fucking-awful original programming TV Land spits out, Retired at 35 is the worst offender for wasting the talents of George Segal (Just Shoot Me) and Jessica Walter (Arrested Development, Archer). If you want some real comedy, watch the writers and stars try their damnedest to rub a shine onto this turd:
Also new tonight:
America’s Got (No) Talent, Love In the Wild (NBC); Hell’s Kitchen, MasterChef (Fox); The Catalina (The CW); What Not to Wear (TLC); The Real Housewives of Orange County, Pregnant in Heels (Bravo); Dance Moms (Lifetime); Teen Mom (MTV); Storage Wars, Barter Kings (A&E); The Deadliest Catch (Discovery); Fact or Faked, Hollywood Treasure (Syfy); Kendra on Top (We); Pretty Little Liars, Jane by Design (ABC Family); The Glee Project, The Next Big Thing: NY (Oxygen); Tosh.O, Workaholics (Comedy Central); World’s Worst Tenants (Spike); Rizzoli & Isles, Franklin & Bash (TNT)