Dance Moms (Lifetime) Season Finale: You know what I always say: There just aren’t enough reality shows with fat women screaming at frightened children on TV these days. Luckily, as another chapter closes on awful purple blob Abby Lee Miller, another opens opens with …
Dance Moms: Miami (Lifetime) Series Debut: Like Pawn Stars and pretty much every other semi-successful reality show out there, the network probably assured Miller that they’d “never, ever dilute your brand by flooding our channel with cheap knock-offs.” So here’s Dance Moms: Miami, wherein it takes two horrible dance instructors to fill her size 13 flats. Nice.
Tosh.O (Comedy Central) Spring Finale: Now you’ll have to think up your own mean things to say about YouTube videos. Courage.
Justified, American Horror Story (FX) Git to Brewvies! It’s the penultimate episode for Justified, as Marshal Raylan takes on Quarles (Emmy-bound Neal McDonough) and, even more fraught with peril, Boyd teams up with Dickie (!) to find Mags’ missing millions. After that, it’s the Season 1 finale of American Horror Story, and they’re both free on the big screen at Brewvies Cinema Pub (677 South 200 West; 21+) tonight, beginning at 8 p.m.
Also new tonight:
Last Man Standing, Cougar Town, Dancing With the Stars, Body of Proof (ABC); The Biggest Loser, The Voice, Fashion Star (NBC); Raising Hope, New Girl, Breaking In (Fox); 90210, Ringer (The CW); Storage Wars Texas (A&E); 16 & Pregnant, Savage U (MTV); The Little Couple (TLC); The Real Housewives of Orange County, Tabatha Takes Over (Bravo); Chopped (Food Network); Guiliana & Bill (Style)